Still it's uncomfortably near

My old heart

Ain't gainin' no ground ---Sting

I dreamt about him last night.

Do you know how long it's been since I've done that? It was like a big time reunion or sorts with all the old players. It even culminated with me leading a sing-a-long of "The Body Electric" with everyone.

Um yeah...I'm talking about Hubbard. Wow I feel like such a retard writing that here, and like it's such a great regression on my part. I know that it's just probably the feelings of anxiety and uncertainty of being home again, back to something so familiar and yet so distant - and so I'm clinging to old fantasies and delusions that are somehow comforting.

Even Malionek was there and Muller and it was as if I had never left. Oh tear...I still hold a fondness for them in my heart - even though I DO realize what a idealistic, immature girl I was back then. Actually carrying on fantasies about...ah...grown men.

I don't really regret it all, I can't change it now and it was kind of amusing, but the dream just freaked me out. It was one of those incredibly realistic dreams and I was just suprised at how happy and comforted I felt being with them again. I can't really imagine myself being like that if I actually saw them all again.

Oh well...another day...another dream. Hopefully the next few hours of sleep will bring something more promising to think about...