She's the wave

She turns the tide

She sees the man inside the child

Sometimes I feel like I'm rushing myself, rushing the world around me. Most times there's no reason for me to move so fast. Most recent days I've had nothing to do except maybe go to work in the evening. All morning I haven't had much booked in my day planner to get around to - yet I have this way of rushing my time making myself feel anxious and busy when there's no need for it.

I could just get up and hang around, watch the old episodes of ER and just take a few moments to sit without having to worry about anything. But I don't. I have the need to try to do 3 things at one time, whether it's making the tea and putting in the laundry and thinking about taking a shower and the errands that I should get to....

It's just stupid.

Sometimes I feel like I leave the patients behind at the hospital. Most of them are so preoccupied with their own worries or problems or depression that they take about 10 minutes to walk the short hallway. It's almost painful for me to walk the snail pace besides them and I usually surpass them to get to the destination and wait. Hello! I'm supposed to help them along the way, but I just find myself rushing past them more often then actually waiting with them.

I even manage to fool all my coworkers that I'm doing more work that is actually true because whenever I get up to do something, I do it in such a way that it creates this sense of urgency. Most times it works in my favor, which I'm not going to complain about...

oh shit...this entry sucks....but I'm not going to work it out till it sounds half-way decent so I'm just going to post it, maybe revise it later - you can just deal...