Hold on if you can

You're gonna sink faster

Than you can imagine so hold

Hold on if you can (Jack Johnson)

I sit in cars and watch the scenery come and fade as I soak in the smells and soft breezes that remind me of my freshman year. A year filled with drives around D.C. and roadtrips and many squabbles over who got shotgun or was "radiotech" for the ride.

My feet become blistered as I grow accustomed to the frequent walking around city blocks once again. My face brightens as I frequently register people that I know along the walks.

I go out for the evening and remember what it's like to feel the smoke and sweat and lights all on you at once as the music is pulsating and people are crowding almost to the point of suffocation. I feel giddy with the prospects of new boys and new friends and classes - ah "bouquets of sharpened pencils" fills my daydreams.

I meet up with a boy I haven't seen in over a year and discover how odd it is to see him after months of only IM conversations and talks of future plans.

With every goodbye I realize how much some people mean to me and have become a part of my experience. The tears fall as friends leave who won't be seen for a year and the prospect of others soon to go looms in the distance. I have misgivings about not planning a semester abroad and tell myself that I'll look into it, knowing almost full-well that I won't.

I find I'm not always sure of what I want and I don't always want what I'm sure I need.

I've been here only a week or so and it's been months it would seem. Already I'm putting off work for trips with friends on random excursions to VA. I'm being sucked into drama and loosing touch with family and yet it's all so exhilarating as much as it's exhausting.