She's not a girl that misses much - do do do do do do - oh yeah...--Beatles

Sometimes I feel like I am completely flooded, over my head, swimming in a sea of misgivings and complaints and indecision. From all areas of my life people are constantly asking things of me - wanting my time and resources, my efforts at various tasks, my listening ear and advice.

Times like this I'd like to plug my finger in the dike and stop the waves from pillaging my surroundings - my internal calm.

I JUST WANT TO GO WITH THE FLOW, like always, but it gets to the point where people start snapping at me and I just want to tell them to F off.

I long for a good night's sleep and the knowledge that I've done well on recent midterms and papers and the security of knowing that people are satisfied with the output that I am generating. Some people brag on about the all-nighters they pull, as if it is a right-of-passage of sorts, but I would rather sleep for a good long while till all this desension can surface.

Once the week is over things will be able to proceed in the normal fashion and I will remark to myself (as I always do) how much easier things seem when I'm not studying 24/7 for exams...and then I will relapse into my slacking-off period until the next time a test comes around. Once the week is over I will remark on how nice it is to have so much free time to myself without 20 thousand events planned out for me...until I get bored and wish that I had more social engagements to keep me busy.

Things will continue in their cyclic patterns and I will constantly come to these revelations and conclusions, each time as if they are brand new.

But for now I'd like to disappear for a while - until it all fades away.

Half of what I say is meaningless. But I say it just to reach you...