Just when I thought that everything was moving in a positive direction and that the doors of possiblity were opening wide before me, I find out that I was wrong. Terribly wrong. The doors have tightly shut and no light shines from beneath the doors, offering any glimpse of hope.

I always feel like I'm the last to know - and I suppose that's how it's got to be in these sorts of manners when you're usually the third party waiting around for an answer.

But it's just so FRUSTRATING. Why would he pick her? Nevermind - I'm sure I know that question. I'm sure that I know the answers to all of the questions swimming around in my head, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Usually something like this wouldn't bother me, but I almost teared up when I heard him talking about it. I looked away, and then there was silence - things became uncomfortable. My heart just sank. I wanted to know what he was thinking. Just earlier he had asked me how I felt on a certain topic and I wanted him to ask that again. I would have been open and honest, but it seemed out of place to just scream, "NO! THAT CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" without any prompting.

I think the hardest part is that I know that this would have been a good one. Knowing that he wouldn't have turned out in the end to be an asshole and knowing that he chose someone else (not to even say that he knew what was I was thinking in the first place) is almost too much to bare.

I can't even concentrate now for the impending test I have to study for. I don't even want to go out and get drunk (which would usually be the solution). The prospect of picking up someone else doesn't even thrill me. What is wrong with me???