things we cannot change...

She pulled a slim cigarette out from the box and placed it between her plump nude lips, letting it dangle there, resting on her bottom lip. With a sway of her hips she leaned down and briskly picked up the burning candle. Placing the flame to the paper, she pursed her lips tightly around it and replaced the candle on the tabletop.

I had tried to motion to her that I had a perfectly good lighter, but she gave me a look as if to say that she was in no need, and besides it looked much more alluring this way, which of course, it did.

I thought about how strange her posture was as she swayed up to the bar to order another beer and sit for awhile and smoke. I'd always wondered what she was really like. Always giving off those artistic airs and laid back atmosphere even I'd seen so many other sides to her.

I remembered how she sang so beautifully with the acoustics a few months ago, late into the early morning. I searched for that tenderness but found none as she sat, tipping back the bottle and ashing. Now she excuded only seduction and prowess.

I started to sing along to the words of a song I hadn't heard since middle school. The lyrics resounded within and I thought of the boy sitting the dark back corner. He never says much, but he you can tell that he takes in everything. He has a mysterious, intense look about him, although after knowing him you realize that he's not all that mysterious at all - just careful with his words. I thought about all the things that I wanted to tell him and learn from him. Why then did it always happen that whenever I had that chance, when he was right in front of me I could think of nothing but the way he was looking at me, the way his body was posed, the shape of his lovely, strong hands.

I turned to look his way and as my gaze met his I could feel the heat upon my face and quickly turned back around. The whimsical, wishful thoughts houghts disintegrated like the ending of the song and my gaze focused instead on the row upon row of bottles in front of me.

Ha, yeah I thought to myself, sure I'll have other drink. I'm going to need it to get through this...