Sometimes I just get so fed up with it all. I'm sick of hearing the stories and comparing sex lives and trying to find out who is better or more scandalous or more accomplished than who.

Who gives a shit? In the end, when everything is said and done, I'd just like to know that I'd done most all of what I've wanted to do in life, felt good about the decisions that I'd made, and was someone that people could call a good person.

This phase of my life is coming to an end. At moments it saddens me that I will not have the familiar schedule of classes and wild weekends and homework. But overall I know that it is time and a good thing for me to move on; to move beyond the drama and the time wasted on doing stupid ass things, and dealing with people that I can no longer stand.

I find myself falling into one of my familiar patterns. Whenever a specific period of time is coming to an end, I sense this and stop caring. I end up showing more of my true self, not worrying about what people's lasting impressions will be, because in my mind I'll never have to really deal with them again. While I know that this won't exactly hold true once I leave college (there are many people that I'll want to see and talk to, and have a hard time thinking of daily life without...) it's still coming into effect. I have no desire to go to classes anymore or follow the "silly" rules of the university or even utilize common curtesies with those I'm familiar with.

In some ways it's a good thing, I like myself better when I complete let go and people seem to feel the same way. I wish I wouldn't always wait till the last second to let it all show. In other ways, it's probably more inhibitory than freeing.

Starting today I've got 24 days until my 22nd birthday and for some reason it feels like some sort of a benchmark. I know I'll still act like a jackass at times and give in to various temptations but it won't have the same allure when people ask how old I am and I'll have to say 22 instead of 21. I figure that I should try to figure out most of the big looming questions in my life during these next 24 days (or at least thing about them) and try to get a grip on my future. That's probably a vast overstatement, but at girl can dream, can't she?