I just need a little more silence... - SM

We do a great job of pretending. Together we've perfected the elaborate performance for all to see. There's so much kindness and love and togetherness shared when we're in the company of others but inbetween those moments there is so much silence. So much resentment, so much regret.

And yet sometimes I think my partner in this routine we've created really believes that it's real. They are invested in the dream that what is displayed to others is how we really are at heart, it's just too much of an effort to act that way all the time.

It's sad really, to realize that someone can have such a lack of insight or denial of reality. I want to shake them until they finally get it. Or maybe I'm just more angered about the fact that they don't care. That they would rather just continue this game until our ways part and it does not have to exist anymore. They don't care about the lack of substance and content and friendship - they'd rather have others admire the sheen of a freshly painted coat of varnish over the sham that is our relationship.

I think about confrontation sometimes but wonder exactly where it would lead. In my mind it wouldn't really solve this problem, but rather, would only further deteriorate the already worn threads that hold us together. Although, maybe then everyone would finally see the patches covering the holes.