I'm sitting in only underwear and slippers in my freezing room....and feeling lost. It seems that somehow I've lost my footing again.

There are moments when the pieces just feel as if they're falling into place, into their predestined positions with aid from a nebulous third party. But lately, it's as if I have no control over the course of things. They are either handed to me or just out of my grasp, and there's not much that I can do to affect the situation either way.

Of course, what I do in response to such events is totally in my control, and some may say the greatest influence on how they effect the course of things. Probably true, but most times fear holds me back. Fear prevents me from "throwing caution to the wind" and rather preserves me from defeat or embarassment or exposure. Everytime I try to take a stride foward, it seems as if there is something pulling me back.

I worry too much and try to figure out exactly what everyone else is thinking before I make my move, and I fear that in the end it's going to be my greatest flaw instead of my greatest asset. Oh, another social casualty. Score another one for me.

Some more actual substance soon - enjoy the musings for now...