And i'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling
And i'm high enough from all the waiting
To ride a wave on your inhaling - Frou Frou

I'm not sure that this little experiment is working.

It's only been a week or so, two times to be exact and whatever else in between, and yet as much as I feel good about it, I'm floundering by myself when I leave. When I drive away in my car and wonder what the hell is going on. Wondering what you're thinking.
Wondering what I'm thinking.
Wondering why I'm letting it go on like this.

I considered the options and talked about the possibilities, and yet for some reason, this is not how I thought it would go. Of course, in the moment I feel fine, great, wonderful even. But afterwards, when the silence starts to set in I feel awkward and so do you. We've acknowledged it, and even tried to cover it up with jokes and words and mindless noice. Which seems to work all right for the moment, but there's always the moment at the door - when I fumble with eye contact and we both seem to wonder what to do as you watch me walk out.

I don't want to wonder anymore. I want things to either be here or there. And I'm finding that I really don't want them to be there. I thought I would be ok with the middle ground, but I'm obviously not.

I want it all and that might be more I can have.

So how do i do normal
The smile i fake - the permanent wave of
Cue cards and fix it kits
Can't you tell - i'm not myself

I'm a slow motion accident
Lost in coffee rings - and fingerprints
I don't - wanna feel - anything
But i do
And it all comes back to you