I find that I can't stop questioning everything about my existance. From changing what I'm going to wear each day about 15 times in the morning, to wondering if I'm really going to want to be involved in the mental health field for the rest of my life - I can't seem to make it all stop.

One of the most recent musings is what I'm doing in my current relationship. I mean sure, it's fun, I like him and we connect so well on so many levels; he's one of the first guys who actually just accepts me and doesn't try to push me to levels that I'm not ready for or make me explore parts of myself that I'm not ready to discover. But for some reason, I can't just be comfortable with the way things are going.

First of all, I know that mother will not approve. I can't be sure if it's the way he looks, or his overall demeanor, but I can just tell that she's not going to fall in love with this one. Second, even though I like so many things about him, I keep having the though that I don't want the first person that I fall in love with to be him. Does that even make sense? I mean, can we really decide who we choose to fall in love with and those that we don't? I'm not so sure. Either way, I'm pretty sure that he's close to that point now, and I'm not. I just don't want anyone to get terribly hurt in the end, although, that's prety inevitable I suppose.

I just don't want things to turn stagnant and old so soon and have him whispering "I love you" in my ear, while I'm fighting a way out. God, maybe I'm just not cut out for this relationship scene...