Our schedules are conflicting lately. I'm back in school as of today (and suprising excited about it) and sitting in lectures or roaming around a hospital for most of my days, while he's working mainly evening shifts. In addition, somehow our work shifts are so conflicting that when he does happen to have an evening off I'm scheduled for the evening shift at my own respective hospital.

And then there are nights, like tonight, where even though we both have time off, after I've sat in 3 hour lectures all day, gone to the gym, eaten and showered, I'm too tired to entertain and surrender my bed and the dream of quality sleep to another body.

It's starting to create some distance I feel (or maybe it's all in my head). I assure him that things are fine, and for some reason my energy is just low lately, I know that it probably has a little more to do with all of the obstacles that we've encountered for the past month. He feels like he's on Easy Street now and it will just be smooth sailing from here on out. But for some reason I feel like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Trying hard to speak and
Fighting with my weak hand
Driven to distraction
So part of the plan
When something is broken
And you try to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way you can
I'm diving off the deep end
You become my best friend
I wanna love you
But I don't know if I can
I know something is broken
And I'm trying to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way I can - Radiohead

I hate the doubts that keep swimming to the surface and cause words to catch in my throat. Hopefully some change really is just around the corner.